• Tahlia Asinate

Is Success Really The Best Revenge?

Throughout life, it’s likely that at some point, you will feel as though you have been wronged. And in processing that experience, you might hope that one day you can take revenge on those who wronged you by becoming wildly successful.

That way, you could prove to others just how great and worthy you are, and you could also show those who ever doubted you that they were erroneous in doing so. Because as Frank Sinatra so eloquently put it … The best revenge is massive success. Or is it?

For many years this mindset was one that fuelled my own pursuits, especially when I first delved into the world of personal development. When I initially came across this notion, it spoke to me directly. I could now prove to others, my family and the people that I had grown up with, that I was worthy because I had achieved something.

Yet, each time I achieved a goal or something I thought I wanted to accomplish, I still found myself experiencing those lingering feelings of unworthiness … I couldn’t understand why, although I was living a remarkable life and achieving the goals I had set for myself, why I still felt empty and unfulfilled.

However, it wouldn’t be until I left my job, deleted social media and quit alcohol, that I would ultimately realise, I was unfulfilled because my motivation for doing things was largely based on how others would perceive me.

I hadn’t clarified and defined what success meant for me, and I hadn’t been working from an inner scorecard. Two things I’ve come to believe are necessary for me to achieve not only success but also a sense of happiness and fulfilment.

The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an inner scorecard. — Warren Buffett

Because, when you pursue goals and achievements as a way to prove yourself to others, as a way to get revenge on someone. While you might be happy in the moment you achieve said goal, those feelings of excitement are usually short-lived, as the goals you’ve been pursuing aren’t one’s you care to accomplish.

So, when you do achieve them, instead of taking the time to fully appreciate the thing that you’ve been pursuing for months, if not years — you’re instead quickly onto the next goal to prove to others how worthy you are, even though you don’t believe it yourself.

Now, this isn’t to say that one shouldn’t pursue success in life, success brings so many positives. Whether that’s growing through your failures, or seeing that your efforts have finally paid off, both which are extremely fulfilling. However, if your motivation for achieving success is underpinned by a want to prove yourself to others you will never experience true fulfilment.

Because aside from being both irrational and immature, wanting to achieve something to prove something to others or to make others feel inferior, is ultimately toxic. Even if you do achieve every goal you set for yourself, your flawed intentions will diminish your accomplishments and leave you perpetually unfulfilled.

In saying this, I can still see how success is the best revenge, that is if you move past the want to prove yourself to others. Because if that mantra inspires you to want to improve your life, then that is certainly a positive.

However, the irony is that the point at which success becomes the best revenge is once you move past wanting to get revenge on others. When you ultimately forget about trying to prove yourself to others because you’re happy with who you are and what you’re doing.

So while it’s great that this notion can inspire one to begin making improvements in their life, it’s also important to know when it’s time to move on from it. When it’s time to forget about trying to prove yourself to others and instead focus on being your best self, for yourself.

All in all, don’t go out of your way to pursue something in spite of others, you will never find yourself truly happy by doing so. Instead, release the want to have revenge and focus on yourself, your growth and your happiness …

Because ultimately it’s a much healthier, more fulfilling version of success.

Love, Tahlia X

Now, I want to hear from you! Do you think success is the best revenge? Why/why not? Let me know in the comments below or message me directly.