• Tahlia Asinate

The Worst Type Of Break Up

There’s nothing quite like a breakup with a friend — it truly is the worst type of break up.

Compared to relationships with a significant other, a break-up with a friend carries a whole different weight. When it comes to romantic relationships, while we hope that things work out, we know that if heartbreak does come about, we’ll know how to process it.

Contrastingly, when it comes to friendships, it’s the last thing we expect. We think friendships last forever, so when they don’t, we begin to question just about everything. Well, perhaps you don’t, but I certainly did.

Until this point, I’d never had a real fight with a friend. If I had, there was a high chance that I had done something wrong, usually whilst drunk, and I’d very quickly be apologising. However this argument was different, I was different and my decision making was changing.

Before our argument occurred I’d pretty much stopped drinking alcohol, I’d stopped partying and I’d begun working basically six days a week. If I wasn’t at work, I was probably reading, exercising or hanging out with my boyfriend. All of which was a stark contrast to what most of my friends, really anyone that I knew was used to me doing.

Yet even though I was changing and had come to expect some of my relationships to change as a result, I never expected this specific relationship, to end up how it did. Even throughout our argument I didn’t think that we would ultimately end up not speaking. I thought we’d yell and scream it out, then one day we’d sit down and either finally talk it out or we’d at least agree to disagree and move on.

In actual fact what happened was the complete opposite. Halfway through our argument we stopped talking and the entirety of our communication was done over text. When we saw each other I was ignored, one moment we were best friends, the next moment it was as though I didn’t exist.

Once everything finally unfolded and I realised what had happened I became quite the recluse, it was as if I went into shock. Life as I knew it had drastically changed and I was on an emotional rollercoaster where one minute I’d be fine, the next moment I’d be in tears.

It took about two years for me to heal from the breakdown of that friendship and although it’s something that at the time I wish I hadn’t had to experience, I’m now incredibly grateful that I did …Because if it wasn’t for that experience, I wouldn’t have realized how much I needed to look inward. I wouldn’t have been able to learn and grow as I have and I wouldn’t have been able to see that I didn’t love myself.

In hindsight, my low self-worth seems so obvious to me now, it showed in a myriad of ways. Whether it was the excessive partying, putting people on a pedestal or my incessant wanting to fit in — all of which were obvious signs of my poor relationship with myself.

However, with basically no social life and a lot of time for introspection and healing, I was able to move past that and remove those things from my life. As a result, I came to appreciate both myself and my past, so that I could learn from my past mistakes and use them as a springboard to become the person I want to be.

Now, I won’t pretend that the ending of a friendship is easy, it’s not. However, life is such a way that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and our job is to figure out which one of those categories people fit into.

This doesn’t mean that just because your relationship ran its course that it should negate the memories that you shared. Because even though it’s natural to experience a roller coaster of emotions, to grieve, to be angry and hurt when a relationship ends … You will come out the other side and will hopefully be thankful for the experience and all that it has taught you.

Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy, I still wanna see you eat just not at my table. — Tupac Shakur

Even if someone has wronged you, if you have wronged them, or if you simply grew apart, know that this is part of life and harbouring any ill will towards them or yourself won’t help you heal or move on. Sometimes those experiences that push us to our very limits are the experiences that we need in order to grow and develop into the person of our dreams.

While it didn’t seem it at the time, the ending of that friendship ultimately turned out to be one of the greatest things to happen to me. Without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t appreciate myself as I do. In hindsight, I truly believe that it was an opportunity for me to grow as a person, because as in the words of Marilyn Monroe … Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.


Tahlia X

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